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Gosh i just realised what a jerk i am recently.



When i was in Secondary 4 for the second time i fell for Fad, but for some reason i didn't tell her or made any really drastic move. Now that i think back about it, it was pretty funny.


Anyway all good parties comes to an end and soon i was out of secondary school and in ITE. During this course of one year a lot of things happened and over this time slowly i forgot about Fad. Then a few months passed again and i fell for my classmate Aini. What i really liked about her was her innocences, she was one of those good girl type and was so humble. Her cute dimples is a bonus man.


Talked to her a few months and we started sms-ing each other almost every night. Whenever she is on MSN she'll come talk to me. I always prefer to let the other party start the converstation, so that i know they want to talk to me just as much as i want to talk to them.


Those were some pretty good days, we'll smile at each other in class and the feeling was so very sweet, or sometimes we'll just make silly faces at each other. Soon i confessed to her that i liked her and we got along even better. I really believed we'll end up together. Once i asked her whether she likes me to or not, she said yea a little, and she wrote it on her livejournal too. Gosh i was so happy then, those were such good times.


But one day everything just broke down, i never really figured out why, maybe she finally knew the real me and turned away. Thinking back and reflecting on myself, i realised that maybe i was too possessive, or maybe i was too slow. Maybe i should have striked while the iron was hot. I didn't think of asking her to be my girlfriend because i knew she wanted to focus on her studies, at least she wanted to back then. Now shes changed from when i liked her, whilst she is still pretty much the same, she just don't feel as innocent as she was back then as a result of hanging out with Emira and the rest, shes now just a tad more like emira.


A few months has passed since we drifted apart and i guess i have to learn to let go, the feeling isn't as strong as it used to be and i felt like a fool, leaving me quite bitter


Then Fad ended up in the same school as me again, gosh what a turn of events, after i left secondary school i thought i would never see her again. I was glad to see her again but didn't think much of it. Then hanging out with her more and talking to her again, it reminds me of the old times and i'm starting to like her again. But she has her own life too


But i dont really know anything now, i don't know who i like anymore or what i want now. But the main thing is i realise what a jerk i am. Falling in love with this girl and that, i guess in the end i wont have either and i pretty much deserve it.